By RUDY!
Last night I dreamt that I was at church. It was the old church I used to be dragged to by my parents in San Antonio; it was a smallish Catholic church with a hispanic priest. I remember this priest clear as day. He was annoying. He spoke with a hint of sarcasm. This was before sarcasm was the norm, so you can imagine how off-putting it was to hear this rude, sometimes offensive, manner of speaking at a place of worship.
He was there preaching as I walked in. I sat at a wooden pew on my left towards the middle of the church. Among the faces, were my family members - all of them: distant relatives, cousins, sisters, and even deceased grandparents. In my dreaming state, it was as if they never died. I don’t remember anything the priest spoke about, I just sat there, meditating on the negative space of his sermon. Those moments of silence where the white noise of the overhead ceiling fans spiked and when echoes of past sermons trapped above the rafters in the vaulted ceiling escaped as an unintelligible mumbling.
When everyone began getting in line for Communion, I snapped out of my trance. It occurred to me that I could take the Communion, it wouldn’t mean anything and I would blend in and not stir up my family’s concern for my soul, but then the memory of the pale tasting wafers quickly put an end to that attempt at appeasement. I sat and watched as everyone passed. I smiled when the sight of me caught someone by surprise.
The line was dwindling and I could hear everyone crunching their wafers, which struck me as odd because the wafers melt in your mouth and turn into a gooey grossness. So I looked closely at those receiving Communion and noticed they were not receiving traditional wafers. No, they were getting small colorful pieces of something. As I looked around, a kid caught my glance and opened his mouth to show me his chewed up M&M. I looked back toward the priest; now I could see it clearly. He was giving them M&Ms as Communion, the transubstantiated body of Christ!
I leaped up and got in line. I was the last in line now, and there were about eight people ahead of me. As I approached, I could see the bag of M&Ms in the priest’s hands. I practiced the line in my head, he says something, I couldn’t remember his line, and I say, “amen” and open my mouth. It was my turn, the priest looked at me, and he said, “Mr. Bang, I want to talk to you after mass.” I quickly replied, “Amen.” and he left me hanging. Left me hanging at the altar, mouth agape, first in anticipation and then in surprise.
