In The News: God Is Pissed

I’m going to step out on a limb here and say these two events cannot be independent:

Need I say more?

Best of Google News

I get my news from google news, I don’t claim to know how the aggregator works, but I suspect it is automatic, as such, its output can often result in hilarity. I will screen capture one when it is too unbelievable or a really stinky pun. Here are two such examples from the past:

(Oh no! Will my solar powered calculator still work? Oh wait, maybe this will help slow global warming? Okay, this one is a stretch.)

(Folks, you can’t make this stuff up, if you did, it would all just be a waste of time. Ah, nothing like a poop joke to garner some laughs.)

Hello/Goodbye

Jamaican Blue Mountain

Yesterday a burst of shiny sprinkles in peripheral vision caught me off guard during my drive to work. It was–I deduce–a windshield bursting into the air, I deduce because I did not actually see the car rear end–another deduction, or is that an assumption–the large truck. I only saw the spray of glass sparkling in the cold sun light, then, with a casual glance, I saw the debilitated vehicle smoking. The whole thing is odd because never did I hear a screech or a crash, nor a crunch, suggesting to me that the car collided with the tires of the large truck. It makes sense. Since I didn’t really see anything and I wasn’t 100% sure about my deduction, nor could I say with any certainty if I really did not hear a collision, as I was, undoubtedly, singing a song at the top of my lungs and I’ve been told my voice is like a car wreck. Hence, I couldn’t help the police. Let’s hope I don’t get audited by the IRS for all my deductions.

Jamaican Blue Mountain, 3 dollars a cup, Kenya AA is still my favorite, followed by Ethiopian, then 100% Kona, and, rounding out the end of the top four, JBM. Go Africa!

Apropos

What? A woman named Carla Dove works for the Smithsonian Institute’s Department of Vertebrate Zoology Division of Birds identifying snarge, guts and feathers scraped off of airplanes after bird-plane collisions.